Rama and his brother Lakshmana, along with Sita, sat alone in a cave deep in the forest, deciding what their next move was. They had only just earlier narrowly avoided death by the hands of Khara and his army of Rakshasas.
Sika was absentmindedly gazing into the forest while Rama and Lakshmana went over possible strategies to counter a possible attack from Ravana, great king of Lanka and powerful rakshasas. Suddenly, a flash of gold caught Sika's eye. "Rama, see that radiant gold stag in the clearing over their? I want it, would you take it as a trophy for me, your beloved?" Rama rolled his eyes, growing tired of his wife's seemingly ignorant and aloof nature toward the potential danger at hand. However, he did love her dearly, and wanted to put her at ease. He agreed to go out get the stag for her, and be back soon.
Not 5 minutes later, Sika and Lakshmana heard Rama cry out from the woods, "Help Lakshmana !". Knowing Rama could normally fend for himself Lakshmana was hesitant to leave Sika alone, but Sika couldn't handle knowing Rama might be in trouble. He assured Sika he would go out and make sure Rama was ok, and be back shortly. He walked out to where the stag was first spotted, and saw Rama sitting on the ground holding his leg.
He approached Rama, and asked, "Brother are you ok? We heard you calling out for us." Rama replied, with a strange look in his eyes, " Yes brother I am fine, I just tripped and needed some help getting up, would you help me?" As Lakshmana bent down to help him up, Rama took advantage of his off-balance position, and pushed him into a camouflaged pit that sit right behind him. Now in the pit, he noticed Rama was in there as well, and suddenly realised what had happened. He had been fooled by Ravana. Ravana had not only mimicked Rama's voice, but had also taken his guise. He said to the two brothers in the pit, "You fools, now rot here until the end of time. Now, I'm going to enjoy a little alone time with my wife, Sika."
SIka eagerly awaited the return of Rama and his brother, and was relieved when Rama strode back through the cave entrance. Now Ravana's plan was to get back at Rama by laying with his wife, but Brahma had put a curse on him, so that if he ever try to rape, or lay with a woman that didn't want him, all his heads would fall off. So to get around this, he had taken the form of Rama.
His plan was going perfectly, and Sika agreed that some alone time was nice, and maybe they should think about having an heir. But just as things were about to start, Brahma appeared, and struck down Ravana, revealing his true form. "Oh Ravana, you really thought you could get around your curse through imitation? If they don't want Ravana, in his true form, then the curse is active. Your heads will now be torn asunder." Ravana stood powerless as Brahma ripped off his heads, and banished him back to Khara. Before he left, he helped the brothers out of the pit, and warned them to be more careful from now on, for many would try to even more sinister things in the future.
Author's notes:
I decided to rewrite the part about Ravana decieving in kidnapping SIka because I saw lots of potential in the scene. I wanted to go with making Ravana able to take the shape of Rama, not only his voice, so that he could try to seduce sika, like he does after he kidnaps her in the story. I hope you guys liked it.
I like the new take on this story! I particularly enjoyed how you changed/updated the ending. The idea that Ravana knew he would lose all of his heads if he committed rape, but didn't understand the idea that rape by fraud (essentially) is still rape struck me as absolutely in character, while being a completely new twist. One question I have is about Sita. You point out that she's acting kind of ditzy and oblivious to the possibility of danger. After they hear Rama call out, I was curious about Lakshmana's reaction. Was he feeling exasperated with Sita? Also, someone pointed out to me recently that, when you're including dialogue, it's sometimes helpful to separate the different speakers with a space. It makes it a little easier to tell when a different person is speaking. When I made that change, my story felt a little cleaner and easier to read.
ReplyDeleteHey Brady! I liked the changed you made in your story. I liked that you put a condition to the power of Ravana's shapeshifting. I feel like it would be too easy for him to get his way if you didn't. It sort of reminds me of superman, how he is essentially all powerful but kryptonite helps keep him in check. Good job!
ReplyDeleteBrady, I enjoyed your version of this story! I didn't read the original, but I know you did well displaying what the story was about. I like that you tweaked Ravana to change into Rama's form to seduce Sita. I was slightly confused with her name, whether you meant to change it from Sita to Sika or just a spelling mishap. Very cunning and eerily creepy story, great job!
ReplyDeleteWow! - I really liked your detail of description throughout the entire story. You make it really vivid and I can picture perfectly what is going on. Painting a picture with your words is one of the most important skills as a story teller, and you definitely have that down Brady! I am really impressed with this story and look forward to more.
ReplyDeleteWonder?- I was a little confused in the part of Ravana pretending to be Rama, but maybe that was part of the story. I think you could've gone into a little but more detail about this deception, but I liked where you were going.
What if? - What if you made an epic fight with people running out of hiding. This may seem a bit unrealistic, but it would be pretty fun to read. I constantly write about battles in my blog, but maybe that is just my interest. Good job on this story keep it up!!
Hello Brady!
ReplyDeleteYou did great job at re-writing the story! I was confused with Sita's name. I was not sure if you spelled Sitas name like Sika on purpose or not. I think it would be beneficial for your audience to explain why you spelled Sita's name as Sika! Other than that, I think you did a great job!